Tuesday, October 5, 2010


It seems I can't get off the subject of boobs. A recent article in the Halifax Chronicle Herald about the latest beauty implement called the "Kush" prompted this post.  The Kush,  an  "anatomically contoured"  cylindrical plastic pillow  invented in the U.S. by Cathinka Chandler who lives in Charlotte, N.C,  was designed to prevent large breasted women from developing a wrinkly  cleavage.  Chandler claims  there are now  20,000 users in the US and that the  "Kust"  is now "busting" out in Canada as well.

Used by  large-breasted women who sleep on their sides, the Kush works by  keeping a woman’s breasts separated while sleeping to prevent wrinkles caused by the pull of gravity on their breasts.

Customers range from girls that are having breast implants to moms wanting to buy them for their daughters because they already have cleavage wrinkles and they don’t want their daughters to get them too. Yup...just one more way to show your daughter how much you love her ...just hand over a plastic pillow and tell her that if she sleeps with it between her boobs for the rest of her life she will never have a wrinkled cleavage. It ranks right up there with allowing her to grow up with the delusion that there is a prince out there somewhere just waiting to fulfill her dreams of a "happily ever after."

But let's be honest here...our daughters deserve it. Just as there is no fairy tale "prince" ( men just won't shed their horny toadness ...I mean their warty frogness...even for a princess) a hunk of plastic is not going to prevent boobs from doing what boobs do...they head south. They get bigger as you age...throw in a couple of kids and a few extra pounds and you may as well pack a bag for the Caribbean  cause they're headed for lower hemispheres along with your ass and other unmentionables.  It's the law of gravity...blame Isak Newton for coming up with that one, and don't think for a minute that if you are small busted you will escape this phenomenon...remember sneaking peaks at  National Geographic  magazines at the back of the library when we were kids. Huh...huh...that's you in 30 - 50 years.

To prove my point, I did a full frontal booby check in the mirror ***warning do this only in the privacy of your home ...with door locked... and this is what I found:
...they are big
...they are heavy 
... they hang
...but nary a cleavage wrinkle if sight!
It is not until I try to pick up my babies to stuff them into a steel, double reinforced support bra that the wrinkles appear.


The real battle is not in keeping them separated, but in keeping them from falling, and short of duck taping them to your chin 24/7, it's a no win battle. But if you don't want to take any chances and you're up for a good fight, you can order your very own Kush (that and  a Barbie pipe dream too) at a an online lingerie shop called Candy and Lacy.

As for me...I already have enough preventive nightly rituals so when my wifely duties are done, it's...a couple squirts of Nasonex to prevent the "stuffies", slap on some  night cream to battle facial wrinkles, tuck a pillow between my knees to ward off hip pain, pop my bite plane in to keep me from grinding my teeth, and kiss my frog price goodnight...but my girls...they're sleeping "free range."

Nightie - night...don't let the bedbugs bite!


  1. roflmao!! oh. my. this is too funny. funny-ridiculous that someone would see fit to invent such an item and funny-hilarious that everything you say is so freakin' true!!


    and as one of those with small ones, i can assure you...they're already leaning in a southerly direction...


  2. As one who has gone from being a 36 B to a
    36 long, I'm with you, "free range" is the way to go.

  3. This is one of the most ridiculous scams I've ever heard of -- at my age, wrinkled boobs are the least of my problems. Now when they make a Kush for your face wrinkles, I may be interested... ha! Thanks for the giggles this morning.

  4. How does it stay put? I can't even wear pjs to bed, I can't imagine a plastic tube between the girlies would prove comfortable. I mean geez, you got to a wear an uncomfortable bra all day, we should at least get some respite at night! Also, I don't think the hubby would be too happy if he reached over in the middle of the night only to get a handle of plastic tube.