Wednesday, April 14, 2010


"The loss of a mother, echoes throughout a woman’s life.
She feels it again with every year, every change at every stage of her life.
When she is establishing her adult identity and life path in her twenties, she has no secure base to return to for a mother’s support and comfort.
When she is marrying and starting a family in her thirties she has no guide. As she approaches mid-life, she has no “wise woman” to show her the path to fulfillment and wisdom. The mother-daughter relationship is like no other. With the death of her mother, she has lost her caregiver, her guide to all things female, and in some cases a loving companion.
"She is a motherless daughter."
- Motherless Daughters--a Legacy of Loss, author Hope Edelman

One of the tragedies in life is that we take for granted that those we love the most will always be there, only to wake up one day to realize we have lost something valuable that can never be replaced. Loosing my mother at nineteen, I lost my chance to get to really know her as a person other than in her role as my caregiver. I was not much more than a child at the time, consumed with my own teenage life and my need to break away from the apron strings and start making a life of my own, that I didn't always listen or pay that much attention to her life. I didn't ask when I had the chance and now it's too late. There are so many unanswered questions. So I was happy when my daughter approached me with a timely idea for a blog post. She will be hosting "Pulling on the Apron Strings: Interviews with Our Mothers" on her blog Graceful Simplicity so pop over and add your name to take part.

"If you are fortunate enough to still have your mother with you, take
the time to write down the questions you’ve always wanted to ask, and
just do it. If you want, you can share it on your blog (get your
mother’s permission, of course!). Add your blog in the list below or
leave a comment in this post. I plan to reveal my Pulling on the Apron
Strings interview on Mother’s Day May 9th."

Even if your mother is no longer with you, you can post the questions you wish you would have asked while you had the chance.


  1. I feel like you wrote this post just for me, Marisa. My mother died when I was 18 and your quote and your words expressed so much about what I have felt. I still have things I would love to talk to her about after more than 40 years.

  2. what a wonderful idea! my Mom has been gone for 13 years and I miss her daily, so many questions I can think of now. I can't wait to read all the posts...thank you for sharing this!

  3. ~i just realized the other day that grace was your daughter when reading her post about this...such a beautiful moment for us all to embrace...time we are all guilty of not savoring and moments spent wishing...your words above are so wise and filled with such emotions that stir deep within me...i very much look forward to participating in this...thank you both...warm wishes and brightest blessings~

  4. I love this post..My mom is very sick and I did a tribute for her on my blog not too long..this made me remember that I still can find out more while she is that I can understand the women she is..and the choices she made..and why I am the way I am in regards to the influence she had in me..

  5. I see that Hope Edelman's book struck you the same as it did me. There were some valuable points that really hit home-at least now I know that it's normal to grieve and feel mum's loss on family occassions and special days-I always felt there was something wrong with me that I couldn't get over her loss. Now I know I never will and that's ok-I may actually be "normal"

  6. Thank you for all your wonderful comments.

    Jeanie and Diva Kreszl, the feelings of regret for lost chances never seem to go away. Although we tuck them away as we go on with our lives they spring to the fore front at various points in our lives.

    Marlene, don't wait, ask now.

    faerwillow, thank you for your wonderful words and for participating in "Pulling on the Apron Strings."

    Sherry, I would be the last person to say you were normal...he...he...he...gotta love being sisters ox

  7. My Mom has Alzheimer's/Dementia so this post really touched my heart. Mom still knows us, but so many of her memories are gone. It helps me to blog about my feelings, I often call it "free therapy!"

  8. I am blessed to still have my mother but my father has been gone for many years. What a wonderful thing your daughter is doing. I'm off to read now.....